I'm in the minor leagues. The small times. B-list. Still an understudy.
That's alright, at least for now. I'll keep working and moving forward in my life. However, it still stings a little when I get that email that says I didn't advance to the next round of auditions.
You know what's funny? Seven or eight years ago I ran from this whole process... subjecting myself to the mercy of audition panels. Who was I to be judged? I knew I wasn't good enough. I was not going to waste people's time by making them listen to me... a second-rate horn player and musician.
For the last three years or so, though, I have begun to believe that perhaps I could do it. Perhaps I could make it to the Big Leagues.
Maybe I can, but today I received an email that reminded me I'm not there yet. Tomorrow, I start over (sort of) and keep working towards the goal of being a successful horn player that earns a good income.
In my case I have found that this is what you get if you let years go by without honing the thing you should be doing. Maybe I could've used more people telling me that I could have been a good horn player. Maybe I could have used more encouragement. The fact is that I denied it and ran from this life. My good friends from Undergrad could tell you that.
Don't waste time. Whatever you do, don't waste time. Even if you're afraid and feel absolutely alone and not quite sure of the place you've ended up in... don't waste time.
The Big Leagues come after lots and lots and lots of strike outs.